Today, I feel a need to address something that often gets lost in the shuffle of our debates over male/female friendships and the Pence Rule*: a woman’s understanding of her own body. The female body regularly comes under assault from all corners of society. It is a truism that women are judged on their appearance more than men, and the impossible standards placed upon them can leave them despairing of their ability to win love and acceptance.

A bit of tissue in the wrong place—say, the belly instead of the breasts—becomes a source of self-loathing. Women are not out of their minds when they stress about their appearance. Scientific studies and ordinary observation confirm that beautiful women are treated differently from plain ones. It’s not all a picnic for the beautiful ones either: they can have more trouble getting “masculine” jobs and are ogled more frequently.

As Christians, we like to think ourselves above this kind of thing. “The world objectifies women,” we say, “but we treat them as bearers of God’s image.” We bemoan the burdens placed upon young girls to look just like the models they see on Instagram: women who are part silicone and Photoshopped to “perfection”. We think we are not part of the problem, but we are. In fact, some of our teachings give women a “biblical” reason to despise their own bodies. The Apostle Paul remarked in his letter to the Ephesians that “no one ever hated his own flesh” (5:29), but that is exactly the danger we are flirting with when we fail to apply the proper nuance to our discussions of gender.

At the Christian high school I attended, all females were required to participate in a meeting where we discussed the issue of modesty. Many Christian women have had a similar experience at some point in their lives. I don’t know what the men do during these meetings, but in the case of my high school, I think they were off participating in some fun activity.

In such cases, a few basic facts are outlined: 1) Men are more visually tempted than women. 2) The sight of a woman showing too much skin is a profound struggle for our Christian brothers. 3) Men are often not in complete control of their thoughts and emotions in this area. To see certain things leads them almost unavoidably to lust. 4) Women should therefore dress and behave in such a way as to give their brothers no occasion to sin.

Isn’t modesty a good thing? Of course! I fully endorse my high school’s desire to enforce a standard of modest dress. Provocative dress is not appropriate for a Christian woman, nor is sexually provocative behavior. However, notice the undercurrent in this logical progression. The burden for a man’s sin is subtly taken away from the man and placed upon the woman. The formula is outlined: “You do something bad, and that makes the man do something bad.” Because the temptation we’re talking about here is the woman’s body, it’s not much of a leap to get from that point to this: “You ARE something bad, and that makes men do something bad.”

Now, we live in a society that practically worships sexual sin. Many of the popular clothing trends for women (and even little girls) seem overly sexualized. A couple weeks ago, I popped into my local Forever21 for the first time in…well, forever. This is an establishment whose owners are purportedly so Christian that they put John 3:16 on their store’s bags.  Yet, what did I find at Forever21? At least half of the women’s shirts were crop tops, which is to say that the bottom half of the top was missing.

For years now, I’ve taken “dresses” off the rack at many different stores and found they were just glorified shirts. Much of what passes for “shorts” provide little more covering than panties. It is not at all unusual to see toddlers wearing bikinis. All this to say, our concern about sexualized dress is warranted. It is quite possible to dress in a modest manner, but many Christian young ladies assume that if it’s being sold at Old Navy, it must be ok…and their parents make the same assumption.

Christian women certainly must strive to dress modestly rather than drawing undue attention to themselves through overly sexualized clothing. However, we must be careful that we do not overreact to the negative trends in our society. The way we talk about lust often has an air of inevitability about it, e.g. a woman’s body is inherently lust producing or a man simply can’t help himself when exposed to certain stimuli. This is not the way the Bible speaks about sin. While it does instruct us to avoid temptation, it also states emphatically that by the power of the Spirit, we can overcome any temptation that comes our way.

Paul wrote, “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it,” (1 Corinthians 10:13) while the author of Hebrews pointed to the assistance of Jesus Christ as our hope in temptation. “For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.” (Hebrews 2:18) Again, he writes, “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.” (4:15) James further explained that if a person gives into temptation and falls into sin, it is the result of their own sinful desires.

Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

James 1:13-15

Does this mean that if a beautiful, naked woman were to walk into a church service, the men could avoid having any reaction to it? Probably not. After all, our bodies come equipped with a reproductive system that is designed to respond to certain stimuli. God put this in place to ensure the continuation of our species, as well as the enjoyment of sexual pleasure in marriage. We cannot always turn it on and off at will, even as we cannot help that shot of adrenaline we get when we are scared. In addition, a tendency toward lustful desire exists within us and is a product of the Fall.

The concern of scripture is what we do with the stimulus and how we choose to manage our reactions. Do we turn them over to the Lord and rely on the Spirit to help us overcome the temptation, or do we continue to entertain those feelings and sink into lust? And if we sink into lust, do we place all the blame on the stimulus/stimulator, or do we save some for ourselves?

As the very first man to sin, Adam attempted to blame his transgression on his wife. “The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.’” (Genesis 3:12) God did not accept that explanation but included Adam in the subsequent curses. Paul makes clear that Adam was responsible for bringing sin into the world. (Romans 5:12) Arguing that your sin was forced upon you is simply a bad argument and one that God does not accept.

Apart from the question of our culpability before God, we must consider again how such arguments make women feel. The discussion surrounding the Pence Rule has revealed an (often unspoken) assumption that close proximity to a woman leads inevitably to sin. Such assumptions have proven particularly damaging to victims of sexual harassment and abuse.

Many of us have heard the terrible stories of women who were sexually assaulted, but when they reported the crime, were told that they must have led the man on or otherwise “asked for it”. Such women are all too often commanded to apologize for what happened. The message to these women is clear: “It wasn’t the man’s sinful desire that caused this. It was you and your body. You made him sin. You are bad. Your body is bad.” May God have mercy on the Church for the times we have allowed women to believe such lies and live in the torment of self-loathing for years!

Even those women who have not been victims of sexual abuse start to pick up parts of this message when they hear certain things Christians says about gender. “You work closely with your male boss? Aren’t you going to be a temptation to him?” “Men are visual creatures. When they see a nice looking female, they are naturally prone to lust.” “The increasing involvement of women in various aspects of society has put the sexes in closer proximity and thus opened the door for lust.” What is the perceived problem in all these comments? The female body: that is the problem.

A universal imposition of the Pence Rule or similar attempts at gender segregation may have the presumably unintended effect of reinforcing this narrative and teaching women that their bodies are toxic. Women may begin despising themselves for being such a temptation to their Christian brothers. You think that’s not possible? Oh, it’s possible! It has happened to me. At various points in my life, I have been drawn into increased conversation with males because of our mutual interests or work requirements. I have often been struck with guilt, knowing instinctively that I am different…and not in a good way.

Here I must state what I hope is obvious: the female body is not inherently sinful or sin producing. Eve was the final being created by God, and she was thoroughly good. It was only the introduction of sin that made her naked body a subject of shame. In the beauty of the marital relationship, this good gift of God still brings a holy joy to those who are bound together in Christ.

How beautiful you are, my darling,

How beautiful you are!

Your eyes are like doves behind your veil;

Your hair is like a flock of goats

That have descended from Mount Gilead.

Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes

Which have come up from their washing,

All of which bear twins,

And not one among them has lost her young.

Your lips are like a scarlet thread,

And your mouth is lovely.

Your temples are like a slice of a pomegranate

Behind your veil.

Your neck is like the tower of David,

Built with rows of stones

One which are hung a thousand shields,

All the round shields of the mighty men.

Your two breasts are like two fawns,

Twins of a gazelle

Which feed among the lilies.

Until the cool of the day

When the shadows flee away,

I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh

And to the hill of frankincense.

You are altogether beautiful, my darling,

And there is no blemish in you.

Song of Solomon 4:1-7

That is part of the whole counsel of God, friends: a beautiful picture of marital bliss. It is our sinful nature that causes us to take what God has made good and turn it into something perverted. If a woman is acting modestly, she has no reason to feel guilty if men choose to look upon her with lust. If she is maintaining appropriate boundaries, she should not see herself as the cause of a man’s sin. And even if she errs in one of these areas, the man should not blame his sin on her! According to scripture, lust involves an act of the will.

God tells us that if we belong to Christ and are indwelt by His Spirit, we have the tools we need to withstand temptation. We can choose not to sin. It may take a great work of discipline. We will have to relearn the lost art of self-control. However, we must never imply that a woman’s body is an inevitable producer of sin. Even as we remain vigilant in an overly sexualized society, we must consider how our words and actions affect the way our sisters in Christ view themselves. Let us keep this in mind as we consider the Pence Rule and cross-sex friendships.

Further exploration:

“Billy Graham Rule Follow-up” by Sam Powell – Notice particularly his second main point, where he discusses the notion that someone can essentially “catch” adultery.

“That Time I Danced Too Close” by Rachel (Watson) Welcher – She explains why the assumptions “it takes two” and “boys will be boys” are harmful to women.

* The term “Pence Rule” refers to comments made by the current vice president of the United States, Mike Pence. In a 2002 interview with The Hill, he stated that he does not eat alone with women who are not his wife and does not attend events featuring alcohol unless she is with him. It is similar to the so-called Billy Graham Rule. In discussions about this topic, the principle is often expanded to include any extensive one-on-one interactions with a person of the opposite sex; however, interpretations of the Pence Rule vary. The issue received widespread attention when Pence’s principle was mentioned in an article by The Washington Post last year.

All scripture quotations are from The New American Standard Bible, copyright the Lockman Foundation.